A Perfect Week In South AfricaSAVOTEUR


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This isn’t your great aunt’s game night. Your hostess and bingo presenter for the evening is a drag queen who’s happy to burst into the odd Dionne Warwick song between announcing ball numbers. Book a booth (or grab one of the small tables up front) in this pink flamingo-dotted place, inspired by 1950s Miami and its glamorous, slightly campy vibe. You won’t have to sacrifice dinner for bingo, either — Beefcakes claims to have the best burgers in South Africa, and we’re not ones to argue. Bring Aunty Elsa. There are shirtless waiters there. We all know that’s her thing. Illovo Muse, 198 Oxford Rd., +27 11 447 5266
Booking essential
At the back of the Illovo Post Office Centre, you can slip down a rabbit hole and land in a coffee shop in the City of Lights. Except, unlike Alice’s little excursion, this is no fantasy — it’s the real deal! And, from the pink-and-white-striped walls and café tables to the cakes and Champagne, The Patisserie is worthy of any arrondissement. Enjoy homemade muesli or scrambled eggs with Parma ham while you figure out how you landed up in Paris so far down south. Illovo Post Office Centre, Cnr Rudd Road and Otto Street,
Illovo, +27 11 268 0022
Booking recommended
This is how we imagine Chuck Norris goes to the movies. The Bioscope in the Maboneng district screens classic flicks and short films. They partner with the adjoining restaurant/craft-beer bar, Chalkboard, where you can order yummy pizza to snack on while you’re being entertained. This is a thrill. Brace yourself. 286 Fox Street, Johannesburg City, +27 11 039 7306
Book online here